Shamed

dont look at me
dont notice me

i stand alone
invisible
lost and afraid

waiting to understand
why i am me

what are the reasons
i cant look at anyone
without fear
without reprimand
i feel judged by your looks

and it doesnt matter you arent even looking at me

no matter what i wear
how i look
who i am
its never good enough

you see the scars
wonder at what ive become

you can hear the water run
but you dont know why i hide in the bathroom

i stand with my back to you surrounded by people
and cut my wrist
pulling my gloves back on quickly
i turn and smile and walk out the door
ignoring the pain and the sudden numbness
that floods thorugh me
i do what is expected of me
i talk
i laugh
i joke
i play games
praying my sleeve doesnt move up
wishing someone would see
but still unable to answer
the questions i know will come

the judgements to battle against
the honor to uphold

the judgements dont come though
not from anyone else

i walk past the mirrors
afraid to look at who ive become
i feel the guilt for sinking so low
for being unable to stop

why did you do it?
all day i ask
everyday i ask
the same questions
without answers


what have i done
what have you done

hate me
despise me
ignore me
but dont look at me
dont see what ive become