What if ?

what if you fear life more than you fear death
what if your afraid of your own parents
the people who are supposed to protect you and love you
what if you have forgotten how to cry
to protect yourself from being hurt
what if you cant ask for help
for fear of being seen as weak
what if you built a wall around your emotions
thats so strong it will never really come falling down
what if your so quiet people forget your there
what if you fear letting anyone get to close
for fear that one day they will learn the truth
what if you fear being talked about
so you avoid being in crowds of people
what if you dont like being watched
so you look no one in the eye
what if you fear being loved for fear of being left
what if you cut to ease the pain
because it is easier than everything else
what if the benefits dont out weigh the problem
what if above anything else you fear being alone
but you will die 1000 deaths before you ever ask anyone
.....to stay with you.....

Sorry Isnt Enough

you said were sorry

you didnt mean to mess things up

but i looked right through you

like you werent even there

your guilt wasnt enough

to ease your pain

you managed to hurt me more

than you ever thought possible

you cant change what you said

or go back in time

i said i forgive you

and that it doesnt really matter

but things are changed

will i ever trust you

or say i care

will i ever say i love you

or be able to have you say

you love me

forever gone the things i believed

is anything possible

you ruined everything

took it away

turned your back on me

you said your sorry

and asked my forgiveness

but sorry isnt enough

What do you see ?

look closely

are you really sure of what you see

the smile thats always there

or the trembling thats so close behind

the laugh that comes and brightens your day

or the sadness that is hidden carefully away

the eyes that shine and sparkle with fun

or the tears that never fully run

the conversations that last for hours

or the fact that nothing important was covered

look once and see whats on the surface

look twice and you will see what

lies just under the surface

away from prying eyes

I Forgot

i forgot how to cry
to protect myself
from showing any pain
everything soon became personal
i forgot how to talk about myself
i cant look you in the eye
for shame you will find out to much about me
i wont let you touch me
afraid you will find out
something you dont understand
hidden chains that you will never see
hold me in place so i cant escape
nailed down and locked away
is what will if i ever get to close to you
dont ask questions
that cant be answered
dont jump to conclusions
on what you feel to be true

Today Only

today only i will be happy to be alive

today only i will forget about my pain and hurt

and help someone in more

today i will not draw blood

to erase the hurt

today will go out and not get sick

today i will forget about my problems

and have fun instead

today i will find out who my real friends are

and who will leave me

today i will stop trying to be someone else

and just be me while i still can

today i will find true love

and live a fairy tale

today i will not worry about the past

and look towards the future

no one can know what tomorrow

will bring

but for today and only today

i am free

Giving Up

I live in a world I made on my own

Everyday I wake up and wonder why

I gave up so quickly so you could win the fight

The more I tried to shut you out

The more I lost myself

My will My life My respect My judgement

I became a shadow of you

I forgot I could be me

I forgot how I worked

I believed what you told me

Believed I was wrong

I couldn't argue anymore and the battle was over

A wall grew within me to protect my soul

The small part of me that i could still hold

A silent child grew up

Just as you wished

The fear of being hit

The fear for my life

So I gave up

You won

Supposedly Me

i cant tell you who i am

i dont know

i cant decide who i want to be

i cant be me because im not good enough

i cant be you because i dont fit your style

im not you but i dont know how to be me

i can watch everyone go by

try to fit in somewhere

no one notices me

no one cares

you want to know why

i never talked to you

you dont know me and i dont know you

i was scared you would learn the truth

i was trying to be you

to fit in with your friends

to be one of the gang

i want to be loved for who i am

but that wont work

i dont know who i am

i cant be me