Excuses

 

I TRY TO FIND EXCUSES TO AVOID THE PAIN
THE HURT OF ALL THE YEARS PAST
OF ALL THE YEARS TO COME
I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT
I CANT UNDERSTAND WHY IM HERE
EVERYONE HAS A PURPOSE
BUT SOMETIMES THAT PURPOSE GETS BURIED
ALONG WITH ALL THE THINGS I LOVED

 

EVERYDAY I HIDE WHAT GOES ON IN MY HEAD
SOMETIMES I CAN TALK BUT MOSTLY I HIDE FROM IT
ITS EASIER TO PRETEND IT DOESN’T MATTER
THAT I CAN BE A NORMAL GIRL
BUT I CAN SEE THE SCARS THAT COVER MY LEGS AND ARMS
THAT I PUT THERE IN MY ANGER

I STILL WONDER WHY I STARTED CUTTING MYSELF
MAYBE TO RELEASE MY PAIN
THE THINGS I KEEP HIDDEN FROM ALMOST EVERYONE
I STILL HAVENT LEARNED TO EXPRESS ALL OF MY FEELINGS
BUT IM BETTER THAN I WAS BEFORE
I CAN TALK WITHOUT THE GUILT MOST OF THE TIME
I CAN SAY WHAT IM THINKING WITH FEAR OF BEING HIT
I CAN SPEAK MY MIND WITHOUT HAVING TO DEFEND MYSELF

 

SOMEDAYS DAYS I WONDER HOW I MANAGE TO LIVE MY LIFE……

One Razor

only one razor will take away the hurt

only the sharpness of a new razor will set me free

endless thoughts run through my mind

 

i watch the blood flow freely from one of many cuts

but i havent cut have i, i didnt use the razor 

that can be my blood, im still good

 

i can see the razor, i know where it is at

only one razor to cause enough damage

to stop everything in my head, all the voices

 

i can hear the screams, the cries, the arguments

 which ones are true, which ones have been forgotten

i dont want them anymore, they cause to much hurt

 

the temptation is strong, what do i want to do

i watch behind my closed eyes, as the scene plays out

will i really do all that i see, is it possible for me

untitled

one ruined body

one destroyed soul

sixteen different people

lost children run cover

scared teens hide behind anger

lonely adults protect and save

one missing person

the key to us all

forever linked together

one hidden person

staring at the world

from behind the covers

lonely forever

lost for now

finding the way home 

These Scars

Open my hands

Look at my arms

Hear my story

See my pain

 

Dont cry for me

I already have

Dont ask me why

You wouldnt understand

 

Believe what i say

I am telling the truth

Look at me

See who i am

 

Are you surprised with what i hide

Can you understand the reasons

 the silence

 the tears

 

The scars tell a story

Sad but true

The scars are part of my life

never to go away

 

The pain is handled

 bandages worn

 scars yelling to be seen

The hurting never stops

 

These scars are life

 chosen by accident 

but here all the same

but the only ones

that will never go away

The Children Cry in the Night

the children cry in the night

looking, searching for something lost

their silent screams heard only by me 

wanting protection, for invisible hurts

wanting safety from the pain

 

 

wanting to be loved without pain

wondering where everything went wrong

why are they here

wondering why i cant save them

wondering why they cant save me

 

 

i hear their screams

i watch them cry

i sense there pain

i want so much to help and know i cant

 

 

searching for what has been lost

never to be found again

i see them stare blankly ahead

looking at nothing but still seeing everything

 

seeing nothing new

leaving in the past, watching their dreams

tears slowly stop coming so fast

never to be seen again

locked away in their own world

held forever, trapped in there mind

 

the children cry in the night

my children cry in the night

my family, the parts of me

that come and go as they please

only to forever

cry in the night 

Who Am I ?

Who Am I?

i hear you whisper
i hear you cry
i hear you ask me why
i see your world
but you live my life
who are you?

Sometimes your silent
but sometimes your angry
or scared
the moods jump quickly from one to the other
the thoughts go in circles
a constant back and forth
between belief and disbelief
sometimes you are hurting and sad or afraid
but then you smile and laugh
and I dont understand

I feel you inside me, i sense your presence
i try to understand, why you are here
i try to understand the fights, the disagreements
but it always comes back to the same question

who are you?
but if you are me
a real part of me
than who am i ?

Calm

i see nothing

i feel nothing

i am nothing

i hear nothing

i am not here by choice

im not here by want

i am just here

one of the invisible

one of the un-noticed

one of the forever lost

i was made to be void

i know no other way

except to be calm and accept 

accept life as it is

accept me as i am

accept them for what they did

forgive and forget right

nothing happened do you remember

close your eyes

close your ears

close your mind

and nothing is left

but to be calm

and accept