Lies

i say i dont care

but i do

 

i say you cant hurt me

but you do

 

you say you love me

but i ask you how

 

you say you hate me

and i wonder why

 

why do you lie to me

why do you lie for you

 

you ask me questions

then ask someone else

 

you watch me go by

and measure me up

 

you pick me apart

with words and sometimes hands

 

you lied about everything to make me believe

your lies about everything made me hate

Falling Flower Petals

everyday the flower stood a little wilted

everyday it tried to bloom

everyday it tried its haredest, harder than the last day

working and working but still no change

but against all the work

 

the petals continued to fall

dropping helplessly to the ground

giving up the fight

giving up the will

more and more petals fell

 

covering the ground and all around

the flower was never proud

popular or even beautifil

just a plain flower

un-noticable, nothing important

 

right in the middle of a field

filled with beautiful yellow roses

right in the middle stood one dull yellow rose

maybe it didnt get enough sun or water

maybe it gave up to soon

 

slowly losing its beautiful petals

slowly being pushed away

slowly realizing that it wouldnt survive

battling the elements again and again

so the petals fell with no hope of being there

 

just waiting until the day

the last petal fell....

Twisted Thinking

fat ugly stupid worthless

the words run through my head

just words really but they hurt

just as much as anything else

untrue, true, disbelieve, believe

who is right, voices or more voices

like a broken record, stuck on one song

 

fat ugly stupid worthless

who tells me so...who yells and screams

mommy can you hear me now

mommy how i wish you were dead

over and over how much you hate

how much you dislike, what did i ever do?

something is wrong with me, but how can i fix it

do you want me dead or locked away

do you wonder why i hide and cry

something is wrong with me, am i a freak

but i can be what you want me to

 can i be what you wish

 

you point out the flaws, how i dont have pride

how you cant know i hate me more than i hate you

but i can be like you i can, i can

ill starve to lose weight and smile when you say i lie

ill throw up if i eat to much, because you say food is bad

ill cut and bleed to take away all the hurtful things

ill scar and bruise but you wont know how

carefully hidden away under my clothes

ill look right through you as you do me

pretend im not there, pretend im not me

am i good enough now, can i like me yet

 

fat ugly stupid worthless

over and over, again and again

this is my thinking,this is my head

but you dont have to worry, ive already won

i hate me enough to wish i was dead

are you happy now, can you stop now

i really am all that you say

isnt that enough...

untitled

silently moving through the underbrush

i wonder how i got here and how ill get out

i hear them following me again

How are they real if they arent even there

You said no more hurts no more no more

It hurts to much,  so make it go away

Why am i trapped again and again

Why do they catch me before i can win

Its my stupid memory and i still cant get in

How can i feel so many things

How can i see when the dark sets in

Hiding again but its to no avail

I will be found and then ill be  dead

you grab me and hold me tight

as i kick and fight and cry with no fear

ignoring my cry, you continue on your way

i push and bite, pulling and screaming

suddenly you stop like a light has come on

do you really want to go on

do you really want the crime

Stealing the innocence of a young girl at 9

listen closely as you finish your game

the soft crying reaches your ears

look at what you have done

look into my eyes, see my tear stained face

view my broken body with a lost soul

Slightly  surprised at the turn of events

things have gone to far much to fast

running from the room pictures and sounds filled with dread

no stop please ill be really good i promise promise

never again you swear to yourself

but you quietly come back again and again

locking the door when you come in

Broken Wings

i was born with my wings firmly attached

right below my shoulders and across my back

they were so tiny they couldnt be seen

 

when i was a baby my wings sparkled and shone

brightly in the night when no one could see

but everyone remarked of the glow about me

 

quietly i smiled pleased with the effect

only a soft thank you was heard

 

as i grew older my wings lost there glow

they started the bend and crack in the bow

only i saw my wings when they no longer worked

 

holding all the hurt and tears you know

my wings grew with me excatly the same

and always a little bit sadder, a little but blue

 

so a broken child lived through

the years go by my wings now

 not only broken but crushed

 

my tears fall to the ground silently unseen

my wings no longer special 

so i wish them away

 

only now i no longer live with the hurt

 blame is gone and the weight takin away

my wings are a bit straighter now

 

getting stronger with each passing day

my glow is slowly starting to return

as i watch the bad things fall away

 

slowly im sure but i never lost hope

one day ill soar high into the sky

with wings no longer broken and bruised

 

forever a bit tarnished around the edges

but strong once again so you see..

Broken wings can trimpuh

Never Give Up

Days may be a challenge

when all that runs through your mind

is what is wrong with you

should you beleive

 

Causing tears that never come

and anger that never runs

emotions in tidal waves

come crashing down in pieces  

 

Sadness fills you

and depression close by

why am i here

is it worth it

 

Never give up

never give in

someone needs you

someone needs a friend

 

Think of all youve done

all you havent done

places you want to go

people you want to meet

 

never give up

never give in

the world is a mystery

life cant be history

 

so many choices

you have yet to make

so many chances

you have yet to take

 

things can always seem a little bleak

nothing is impossible

never give up

never give in